Here I Am

I was a joyful homemaker. A wife and mother of two boys. I didn't always look at making my house a home and keeping it that was as a joy. I did it because I felt like I should. It wasn't something I put my heart into. One day I decided I needed to have a better understanding of what God wanted of me as a wife and mother. It was a combination of reading the bible, books, and other women's blogs. There were changes I made right away and others that took a while for me to get the hang of. I learned about modesty, homemaking, frugality, being a respectful wife, a patient mother, a giving woman, a caring woman, and so much more. The more I learned and changed the more joy I felt. I saw how the changes I made effected most of the people in my life in a positive way. Some people it annoyed or there were others that didn't even notice, and that's okay. I knew in Gods eyes I was on the right path and that's what really mattered.

One of the first changes I made was to put on an apron every morning. It was my reminder to myself of the importance of my role in our family. I also turned off the television and restricted my use of the computer. I became very aware of the things that I exposed myself to or spent my time on. If it was not something that supported or encouraged me in the direction I was headed I steered clear of it. I did not turn the television on during the day at all, no exceptions. I began to think of everything I was doing as showering my family with love. That was just the beginning and I worked hard at it, improving everyday.

I had worked my way into a routine that was working so well. My family was happy, my home was a peaceful place, my housework done, our meals well planned, food well stocked, and my budget cut drastically. Not perfect, but really good for us.

In a matter of five days everything changed. My Husband lost his job which also meant his truck and cell phone. The company down sized. That doesn't seem to ease the blow to a man. I felt so sad for him. I tried to support him and encourage him that he would find another job in no time.
Four days later I miscarried the baby we had prayed so long for. I was ten and a half weeks and we were just devastated. I miscarried at home but had such bad bleeding I had to have a D&C.
The roles reversed and Joey had to support me. I tried to have a good attitude about everything, but I was just so sad. I was medicated and also physically quite sore for a while. As a family we were struggling. My children were asking why all of these things were happening to us. I will explain my answer to them later. Both of the boys were playing baseball and had two games a week each. Keeping up with getting them to the fields they needed to be at having only one car and cleaning uniforms seemed daunting for us at the time. Things around the house fell apart. You would think with two adults at home it would be the opposite. There were two adults there that were both feeling very lost in direction. Seemingly before I knew it Joey had gotten a job in New Jersey and we were packing up and moving. Joey spent a month there by himself first. The move was a disaster in every almost every way. That will be another post all of it's own. The one thing that came out of the move that is just amazing is that we are expecting a baby this summer. Not even three months later and I was pregnant again. What a wonderful gift God has given us. I was not sick with my boys. I have been so sick this time that at times I told Joey I thought I am not make it. So here I am........ still surrounded by boxes, with a house that needs a good cleaning, boys that need more organized home schooling, a pantry that needs re-stocking, coupons that need to be built back up, and lots of planning, scheduling, and organizing that need to be done. Most importantly so that we can beginning preparing for our new blessing. I am starting from scratch. From a place I have never been. I have the knowledge and the desire. As I continue to feel better I will be on my journey back to making this new house a home. I hope to be encouraged by watching my own progress and eventually get to the place I may help to encourage someone else as so many women's blogs have encouraged me. Maybe I will even have a daughter to share this with someday.